God only gives you what you can handle

Where do I begin. This summer has been the best of any summer I can remember, besides the summer going into my senior year at Concordia. That was an epic summer I'll never forget. But this summer, was one for the books, in so many ways.

For one, this was the first time I have had a break from school in 365 days. I took every opportunity and enjoyed my days off, not online submitting papers or reading a text book. Summer school ended at the end of June, and I pulled off 2 B's and an A. 

I've always said that you meet people in your life for a reason, and I truly believe that. Over the last year I have met countless people. At different times I have questioned their motivation, but I also have embraced the opportunity to find out what their purpose is to me. Whether people stay in your life or leave, there is always a lesson learned. And then, there are those moments when you meet people and you know right away, that they will have an impact on your life, and in a good way. I've met one of those people, and I can't wait to see where it goes and what happens.

Here's a recap (with photos) of all my adventures this summer.

Tahoe - My brother from another mother (not an actual brother, but we met at Concordia and have the same last name, so we're pretty much family) finally got married to the most perfect women I've ever met. I met her for the first time at their wedding and she was already family and embraced me with open arms. Not just because I'm "Al" that everyone from California has heard about, but because she can totally hang with anyone, regardless of where you are from. You did good Tom, you did real good. I can't believe that I hadn't seen some of these guys in 10 years, but it's like we never missed a beat!

I've had some of the greatest moments spent with friends this summer, just me and the girls. Whether it was a random trip to the cities for a quick lunch and shopping, a day on the lake with family, late night bonfires or special events for work, and that random wedding we crashed....LOL (it really wasn't a random wedding, we were invited).

I cannot believe how fast summer went by and how much I've accomplished on my own. Another session of summer school under my belt and I'm back on campus one week from today for my final semester, and then student teaching. I look back on where I was as a person to just a little over a year ago, and I've not only changed physically, but mentally and both for the better. I said at the beginning of 2017 that this year was going to be about me, and I had a really good feeling that this was going to be my year to have good things happen to me....and so far, I don't have much to complain about. I may not be extremely religious, but the faith that I do have has gotten me to where I'm at, AND a lot of hard work, perseverance, and resilience. I guess it is true what some say, "God only gives you what you can handle," and HE does have a plan, even though it may not be on my terms or in my time frame. Check back with me in 6 months and see if I still have the same bright outlook :)

I've been wanting to/meaning to blog for the past two weeks and even have started 6 different posts, but somehow the words just weren't all there. I have a lot to say in this post so bare with me. I may even have a two post night because I have some seriously big news! And no, I'm not pregnant or getting married....are you on the edge of your seat yet? Guess you'll just have to wait for the next post to find out that great news.

But seriously, sometimes life has a way of working out and you truly are happy, especially when you didn't ever really know if you could get back to this place. "A" tied the knot at the end of July and I couldn't be happier for him. Honestly. Life is very different than how I had originally imagined my life to be, and definitely wasn't how I wanted my story to be, but it is what it is. You move on, you do what you need to do to survive and make the next day better than the day before. You acknowledge your mistakes, and downfalls, and insecurities and vow to do better, to try harder, and to not make the same mistake again. All you can do is try right?!? I've realized life is not what you ever expect it to be, and if you want a road-map to where your're going, it's too predicable and you miss out on life in front of you. Not everyday is perfect. Not every moment is what you want it to be, but that's life. Everyone has a bad day, and everyone still makes mistakes. But surrounding yourself with those who matter, who will build you up when you're having a bad day is what really matters. It's not about being perfect, or having the perfect relationship. It is about wanting to be better for yourself and for others. Being the best version of yourself every single day, but not being fake.

At times I have a hard time thinking about myself in situations and only focus on others and what they think. That likely comes from my social anxiety and anxiety in general...I worry a lot, about absolutely nothing sometimes. I've figured out that I may have my own sh*& together, but when I start adding in another person, that's when I worry. Am I good enough, am I doing the right thing, or what is he thinking after I said that? I like to lay it all out on the table and say, this is who I am, here is what I'm about....can you handle this? To say that I'm insecure would not be correct, because I'm not. I'm definitely confident in who I am and what I want. My insecurities lie within not knowing if what I want matches with what their life vision looks like. For me it's like hanging at the top of the roller coaster I road at Busch Gardens in Florida, where I thought I was going to die....thanks Casey for that one (a 200 foot drop at 90 degrees.....never again!)

SHEIKRA 

I just wait for the ride to drop. I'm secure and insecure all at the same time. I've overcome the trust thing for the most part. Every new person gets a clean slate, but I think I secretly tally in my head all the "not good enough" moments in my head...but I have to remember, I'm not perfect either, and someone could call me out on all my flaws I'd be pissed.....so I need to learn to relax...haven't heard that one before.

The timing of this post is coincidental, because according to Facebook On This Day three years ago, I had a status post that said, "God only gives you what you can handle. I can't wait to see what He has in mind. Bring it on! Today is a new day." I remember exactly what had happened that day to prompt the post....it's that emotional part of the brain that has those moments burned in time.

Unbeknownst to me, but a week later my life would forever be changed in a matter of minutes. But it is true, God can only give you what you can handle, and I said, "Bring it on," and oh he did, and what can I say, I technically asked for it!  HE needed me to get through one week more before dropping the atomic bomb. But I survived, and am stronger than ever. The past doesn't have to be your future, and it doesn't have to predict what the rest of your life is going to be like. The best part of this is being able to look back, and see the progress. Sometimes small, but other times it is like a night and day difference. Today, I stand in the light with all the glory and accomplishment that I've done for me, and for K. I'm where I am at because of my hard work and not giving up, even when I didn't know where the light was on those really really dark days. It was hard to find any joy or happiness, but that's the thing with time. Time can heal all wounds. Time can change a lot of things. And why make a permanent decision to a temporary situation. 

This post is getting way longer than my typical posts and is truly a hodgepodge of anything and everything that comes to mind. I may be slightly ADD, which is why being a PE teacher is perfect. My ability to change directions based on my observations of the class will be highly effective. I can also stay on task and on topic when needed.

So I digress once again. I'm anxious for the start of the semester. Yes, I have my school supplies. K and I went shopping for her and my school stuff right after the 4th of July. I do still need to order books though. But I'm anxious because my schedule sucks. I have night classes two nights a week, which keeps me away from K at night. We have gotten into an excellent routine of me being home at night. Last year she was with my parents a lot because all my homework. It took a toll on our relationship when I wasn't home and I fear that with all the changes she has had in the last few months of having a stepmom and stepsister move into her house, and now me being gone at night it just isn't going to be a fun semester. I'm nervous about having to PASS these standardized tests for the education program and for student teaching acceptance. I'm nervous to even be a student teacher and where my placement will be. I'm nervous about my finances and not working as much as I was this past summer. I'm sure these feelings won't go away when I actually have my own classroom. I'll be anxious about the upcoming school year and my classes. I will stress about whether or not I'm prepared enough to teach. I am so excited to have my own classroom and colleagues to collaborate with. I know that this was the path I was meant to be on. It may have taken me a little longer to find it, but I couldn't be more passionate about shaping the lives of students in-regards to health and physical education. Now, if only state legislature and the rest of the country could come around to the idea that it is indeed important for students to have health and physical education K-12. I'll save that rant for another blog post.

I want to end tonight's post with my top 10 favorite pictures of the summer of 2017.

Love my small town girls

Sunday Funday with you

Never a dull moment with you. We always
find an adventure!

You light up my life, and dance like no one is watching

Luke's Wedding! CCW Crew at their finest

Blonde Bombshells - Wedding Crashing

1st season of tball in the books

CCW Event Crew

It's Facebook Official...let our adventures begin

Lunch date at Zorbaz with K

 I'll post some exciting news tomorrow, so you'll have to stay posted. Until then, be thankful for the day you've been given. Be kind, to yourself and those around you. Our world could use a little more love these days.


~A

:)