Today was a monumental day. K started her last year of preschool. With a birthday being in October, she has the wonderful opportunity of being in preschool for two years, instead of just one. I am very lucky to live in a town where we have so many great options for PreK instruction.
Best of luck to students and teachers everywhere on a safe and fun 2017-2018 school year!
But today, I was a mess. I overslept, and forgot her new backpack at home as I was rushing out the door with my backpack for school. I got into the parking lot and realized, "Oh f*&%! I forgot her backpack!" Such a trivial item, but it would be so important to K. A and K had been waiting for me, at our intended meeting time of 7:55, because I insisted on being early to take pictures, and here I was the one who f'd up, and didn't wake up on time.
I was so focused on what I forgot to get done and didn't do, that I neglected to embrace the moment she was experiencing on her last first day of PreK. Thankfully, I remembered the "First Day of School" sign I bought two months ago. It has been sitting by the entryway door since then so I wouldn't forget it the first day. At least I did some planning ahead for something and did something right this morning!
We took her first day pictures, she held her sign, and she was fine. She was perfectly fine, without having her backpack. It didn't even phase her that I was 6 minutes late, but I was feeling like a failure. We walked her into her classroom, and she was so comfortable and confident that I didn't even get a hug goodbye.
I walked out with A and we went our separate ways in our vehicles. I was off to school, and was running late at this point, with it being 8:15. My phone rang. It was A. "Drive safe," he said.
I started crying. "I feel like such a failure. I forgot her backpack, and I was late. I was late on her first day of school."
In that moment, I realized how pathetic I sounded. I was so worried about what I didn't do, that I missed out on the fact that it didn't really effect K in any way, and wasn't THAT big of a deal.
"She doesn't even need a backpack," he said.
I strive for perfection. It is part of my DNA. I have been known to be a little bit of a control freak, because I like to have control over the situation and know what to expect. Life was a little out of control for me for awhile, so now, I like having hold of the reins. I've gotten better about control, but today, my little imperfection, made me crumble to pieces....all because I was late, and forgot the backpack. So trivial (because I realize now how trivial this incident this morning really was).
As I drove to Moorhead I got to thinking. I thought, it isn't about having everything perfect. It isn't about what didn't go right. I should be thinking about what DID go well. I have an amazing almost 5 year old. She is beautiful and healthy. She has the rest of her life to worry about whether she has her backpack for school, because in the grand scheme of things, it is preschool, and they really don't need a backpack the first day. Will she remember that I forgot her backpack on her last first day of preschool? Probably not. Did it really change the outcome of her day? Not likely.
So many times PERFECT is what we see on TV, Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat. We hear what perfection should be. Especially at a time when there are too many pressures to even live up to.
Today I felt like a failure because I was late and forgot a backpack. But I really didn't fail, and I'm not a failure. A and I have done a pretty damn good job of raising our little Miss K. She is intelligent, kind-hearted, loving, caring, curious, self-aware, are just some of the attributes she has at a small little age of 4 years and 11 months.
"We've done good," I texted A.
"We sure have." he responded.
Today's pictures....and one from last year as a comparison to how much K has grown.
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| First day of PreK 2017 |
I love my life, and where I'm at. I love all my amazing friends and family. I love that I am showing my little girl what perseverance, and hard work looks like. I love her smile and her infectious laugh.
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| First Day of PreK 2016 |
Miss K, I pray this for you my little girl:
Embrace your day head on. Love with your whole heart, laugh everyday, and never, ever stop chasing your dreams. Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something, or that you will never be able to accomplish your wildest dream....because you child, are my daughter, and I know, you can do whatever you set your mind to.
Love always,
Mommy
Best of luck to students and teachers everywhere on a safe and fun 2017-2018 school year!
~A
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