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Revelation and Self-Worth

I've been at this blogging thing for a little over 10 years. This was before blogs were even super popular. And while I don't opening share my blog on my social media, the people who read it have been avid readers and I appreciate you! I think my need for privacy, even though I'm posting this online, is likely due to my careers: law enforcement and teaching.

As I logged onto my Blogger account today I noticed I had a draft titled, "Year 1 done!" I opened up the post and it was completely blank. WOW....I was either distracted by something or just needed a break from all the school stuff. But I did make it through and have a job for next year. Year 1 is always a learning experience from what I hear from veteran teachers. I hope to maybe someday write a book about, "What college DOESN'T teach you about being a teacher." However, I was fortunate to connect with an amazing online group of teachers through a Teachers Helpline Facebook group. There were nights when I just needed to vent and figure out if my feelings were normal or if what I was experiencing was something totally out of the ordinary. Rest assured, I was reassured that my feelings were normal for a first year. The argument is true: we don't get paid enough for the amount of work we put in in order to be GOOD teachers. Our summers off aren't really summers off, because we are often curriculum writing, preparing for next year, watching videos online on how to be better teachers and we continue to read articles on education. At the same time, we are revamping our syllabus, looking at new activities to try to create more movement in the classroom, ect. It is a little overwhelming.

While I don't think I shared much about what was going on last summer, this summer has been quite a bit less stressful, but still stressful in its own way. Being back in my hometown and living in my parents house since I finally sold mine was a relief. I'm working along side my dad which is why I'm staying at their house. I had one of the best days of all summer on Monday. I was able to spend an extra day with Miss K. After she left that afternoon, I reflected on all that has happened in the last year. We moved, I took a new job, she went to Alex every weekend, and has been in Alex all summer. Our day on Monday was one of those perfect days where I felt like I finally had made it. I can do this on my own. I am so incredibly thankful to have parents who have flexible schedules and can come and help out when I need it, but I am so very capable of doing the single mom thing my myself. I felt empowered. I think with living here, I feel like a kid in my own way. I don't have my own space, my own kitchen. I have no doubt that next year Miss K and I are going to move mountains with what we are going to accomplish.

B and I finally spent the 4th together after being together for 3 4th of July's....Lot's of great conversations came from that night after the fireworks.
1. I need to be more confident in who I am
2. I need to stop letting other people run my life when I am fully capable of so many things
3. I need to express my feelings rather than allow them to change who I am

I am beyond excited to start year 2. It will all still be a learning experience, but new opportunities for relationships to be built, new responsibilities, and who knows what else.

Until next time, be the smile someone needs today; someone is always fighting a battle we can't see.

~A

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