Skip to main content

Does Size Matter?

I have always struggled with accepting my body size and shape. I have never been Barbie thin. My entire life I have always been bigger than my friends, teammates, you name it. It has been an issue that I've struggled with for a really long time. Right after my divorce I was super thin and was working out and teaching group exercises 3 times a week...I loved the way my body looked but I still wasn't happy.

While life and stress makes my weight fluctuate, I still am active and enjoy working out. I cannot wait for the gyms to open back up so I have a place to go and lift. I've been running, and even bought a new pair of running shoes. But this post isn't really about me, it's about the idea of what others see my body as.

I have been open to dating recently and have been on a handful of dates...none that really amounted to anything. There was one, but it was a total friend zone kind of 6 weeks. Great person, just not the right fit. I had a date this weekend and it was really good. Our personalities fit, I could be myself and didn't feel like I was walking on egg shells. On Sunday morning as we were driving around with our Starbucks coffee, he made a comment, which I appreciated, but got me thinking. Let me preface that this guy and I had been talking for about 3 weeks before deciding to meet, so I had a good vibe going into it and felt we had a good understanding of who we both were. I had mentioned on the phone one time that I wasn't a Barbie size, and it was something I had been really insecure about. So, as we were driving he made the comment that I was a bigger girl. He explained that I am just bigger boned and more athletic built. I appreciated his honesty. As I sat there listening to him say these things about me and a body I can't change it made me wonder, does body size matter? He agreed that it was a superficial thing, but he had to decide whether or not it was something he could get over. He told me I was beautiful, but in the same sentence, he isn't used to being with someone "my size." While I know his intention was to not hurt my feelings, it has been on my mind since he said it. I know what I look like and I know that I have work to do. Weight doesn't just come off by wishing it away. Weight and medications and stress all wreck havoc on the body, which are things I do not have control over. I have control over what I put in my mouth, and I have control over how much exercise I do. Whether I lose 40 pounds or 10 pounds, I am who I am, and my personality is pretty awesome. I know it is important to be attracted to the person you are with, and that's the thing. He said he is attracted to me.
While my insecurities about my weight and how I look in the mirror won't change, I will always be true to myself, and if you can't love me for who I am, then I don't want to feel like I am less than worth it.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Queens Don't

I feel like I have a heavy heart going into this next week of distant learning. Everything seems to come crashing down the moment I get all the plates spinning in the right direction and at the right pace. In an instant life can change. A person can call and change the entire night based on what was said. Co-parenting is really hard some times. I think the move back has helped, but I'm back in the position of where A wants to know all of my personal stuff. While I appreciate his feedback, it truly isn't his business. After being out of a relationship for almost a year, I'm ready to date again. It's not like I have people lining up outside my door asking me for my number. People are meeting online these days. I'm open, but seriously, the whole trusting part is getting the best of me. I had someone ask me if I would be happy if I never found someone  to live the rest of my life with. While that question caught me off guard, I didn't hesitate to answer; of ...

Infertility

So once again I attempt to start my blog on weight loss. However, I've entered a new chapter in my life. Babies. Well not quite yet, but we'll get there. Here's some history..... I was diagnosed with endometriosis in March of 2010, only 3 months after getting married. I had a laparoscopy and had 5-6 different areas. I continued treatment with birth control overlapping each month and when that didn't seem to help the symptoms I started on Lupron. For those of you that are familiar with this product you can attest to its wonderfulness as well as its downfalls. The Lupron put my body into menopause at the age of 24 :) Fun Fun fun!!!! On the first round of shots I did not have a hormone replacement pill which I wish I would have. I had shots every month for 3 months then took a break. In June I had a 3 month dose of Lupron again. The pain continued and I had a second laparoscopy with a tubular dye study in September, and here we are. Our game plan...... My OB/GYN wants to t...

Happy Valentine's Day.....just a little late

Valentine's Day is my least favorite "holiday." And I say "holiday" because it really isn't a holiday at all. It was invented as a commercial holiday to sell more cards, over-priced chocolate, and unforeseeable prices on flowers. Up until this year I had never gotten actual roses on Valentine's Day. And no, they did not come from a man. My amazing dad, along with my precious Miss K, got me a dozen roses as a surprise when I got home from school. We had to celebrate a day early because of my school schedule, but the flowers were definitely a surprise. I made Miss K's valentine's as I always do for preschool and daycare. I'm trying to be a Pinterest mom when I can, and I'm very proud of these. Not a ton of work, but it just took some planning. With all the pressure to "have it all together," and I totally don't, I attempt to make up for it with these simple, yet time consuming valentine. My Non-Traditional Vale...