Once again, I'm neglecting you who read this blog. But seriously, life is kinda crazy right now. I'm working almost 6 or 7 days a week and trying to keep my head above water. So, within the last few weeks here is what's been going on....
School -I finished all of my classes for the summer. I've had about a two week break so far with absolutely no homework and it feels amazing, although I don't know how I did it when I was doing 4 classes at one time. Oh yeah, I barely slept :) I finished out the summer semester with 4 A's and 1 B - I'm pretty pumped about that. 3.8 GPA to get things started, I'm definitely proud of all the hard work I put in.
Goals: I started a new journey June 14th and decided this wasn't just a goal, but something I've been trying to do for over a year - get my body back. I committed to Profiles and I couldn't be happier. Down 17 pounds with many more to go, but seeing the results is exhilarating. It means that if you stick with something, and really focus, anything can happen.
Life: Life is always crazy it seems. Never a dull moment, and if there is, I start to worry. Seriously, working, working, and more work, being a mom, school, and trying to find some down time is really what I've been doing. I love staying busy since it keeps me occupied and not in my head.
Milestones: Miss K started VBS this week and it has given me some perspective to a lot of things. After all that has happened in my life, I couldn't love one little person more than I love this little girl. She truly is my entire world. Even when there are times that she is frustrating and I want to pull my hair out! Because let's be honest, life if messy. And life isn't perfect, and neither are our children. I get those amazing days with her and it makes me feel so proud. I always hate the days that she's away, but I'm proud of who she is becoming.
Recently there has been a challenge post circulating around Facebook about keeping marriage alive and love. First of all, good for you people who have healthy marriages. But it makes me want to throw-up in my mouth a little bit. I recently read a blog post who shared her feelings on the 7 day Love your Spouse challenge. I loved how she puts it all out there - and posts real pictures of what her life and her marriage is like. Fights at morning coffee, going to bed mad, arguments in the car about being lost and that the GPS lady doesn't know what she's talking about. I've been there. No one posts on social media about how shitty their weekend was because you had an argument over money with your spouse. You only post the good things; trips, babies, new house, exciting adventures.
I may not have a spouse any more, but that doesn't mean that we didn't love each other, because we did. If we didn't, we wouldn't have gotten married. But love isn't always enough to get you through when the promises you made on that special day are broken to an extreme. So as this challenge was popping up in my news feed and Facebook friends were posting their pictures for 7 days of their spouse and loved moments, I thought to myself, "This kinda sucks." It sucks being alone and not having a spouse any more. But at the same time I was thinking, wow, look how far you've come! Look at your accomplishments and what you're doing on your own. Look at what you have to look forward to.
This brings me to my post title: Clarity. Yes, I miss being married, but I don't miss how I felt when I was married. I have found love in so many other things. I have slowly started to find myself again. I am finding that although I have walls, I want to love again, and I want to love hard. It is scary AF, but if you go through life scared, what's the point.
I've had some pretty intense situations this week and today I finally had the clarity I was looking for. I know I'm on the right path regardless of how or why I'm on this path when I had a different plan. I can't control everything. I need to let it go and focus on what I can control. Life is too short.
School -I finished all of my classes for the summer. I've had about a two week break so far with absolutely no homework and it feels amazing, although I don't know how I did it when I was doing 4 classes at one time. Oh yeah, I barely slept :) I finished out the summer semester with 4 A's and 1 B - I'm pretty pumped about that. 3.8 GPA to get things started, I'm definitely proud of all the hard work I put in.
Goals: I started a new journey June 14th and decided this wasn't just a goal, but something I've been trying to do for over a year - get my body back. I committed to Profiles and I couldn't be happier. Down 17 pounds with many more to go, but seeing the results is exhilarating. It means that if you stick with something, and really focus, anything can happen.
Life: Life is always crazy it seems. Never a dull moment, and if there is, I start to worry. Seriously, working, working, and more work, being a mom, school, and trying to find some down time is really what I've been doing. I love staying busy since it keeps me occupied and not in my head.
Milestones: Miss K started VBS this week and it has given me some perspective to a lot of things. After all that has happened in my life, I couldn't love one little person more than I love this little girl. She truly is my entire world. Even when there are times that she is frustrating and I want to pull my hair out! Because let's be honest, life if messy. And life isn't perfect, and neither are our children. I get those amazing days with her and it makes me feel so proud. I always hate the days that she's away, but I'm proud of who she is becoming.
Recently there has been a challenge post circulating around Facebook about keeping marriage alive and love. First of all, good for you people who have healthy marriages. But it makes me want to throw-up in my mouth a little bit. I recently read a blog post who shared her feelings on the 7 day Love your Spouse challenge. I loved how she puts it all out there - and posts real pictures of what her life and her marriage is like. Fights at morning coffee, going to bed mad, arguments in the car about being lost and that the GPS lady doesn't know what she's talking about. I've been there. No one posts on social media about how shitty their weekend was because you had an argument over money with your spouse. You only post the good things; trips, babies, new house, exciting adventures.
I may not have a spouse any more, but that doesn't mean that we didn't love each other, because we did. If we didn't, we wouldn't have gotten married. But love isn't always enough to get you through when the promises you made on that special day are broken to an extreme. So as this challenge was popping up in my news feed and Facebook friends were posting their pictures for 7 days of their spouse and loved moments, I thought to myself, "This kinda sucks." It sucks being alone and not having a spouse any more. But at the same time I was thinking, wow, look how far you've come! Look at your accomplishments and what you're doing on your own. Look at what you have to look forward to.
This brings me to my post title: Clarity. Yes, I miss being married, but I don't miss how I felt when I was married. I have found love in so many other things. I have slowly started to find myself again. I am finding that although I have walls, I want to love again, and I want to love hard. It is scary AF, but if you go through life scared, what's the point.
I've had some pretty intense situations this week and today I finally had the clarity I was looking for. I know I'm on the right path regardless of how or why I'm on this path when I had a different plan. I can't control everything. I need to let it go and focus on what I can control. Life is too short.
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