I honestly can't believe I've had 3 posts in a week! When was the last time that happened?
I was siting in my 5th Google Hangout Meeting today and just started crying. I knew why, I just didn't want to admit it. I have never felt so empty about something in my life since my divorce. I would cry like this and just hope the feeling would eventually go away. I would occupy myself with things to do around the house, or running errands or whatever; but it doesn't go away.
I have been really unhappy in my job this year. There are a lot of factors, but I figured I would get into the groove of things, and it would be fine. However, that feeling has not gone away. As stated in an earlier post this week, I was passed over for a position, well, I never even had a chance to interview for it, even though it was exactly what I wanted. Politics. When I accepted this position in Alexandria I knew what I was getting into as far as traveling to other schools. What I didn't know I was getting myself into was how there would be so little care about me as an individual and colleague. I had more birthday wishes come from my Mora family than from any here in Alexandria. A happy birthday went out during one of our meetings today, but no mention of missing my birthday. It isn't about wishing me a happy birthday, it is so much more. I am truly just a doormat to everyone. I have never ever felt so worthless in a position I was hesitant to take in the first place. If I had known that the option to move to a different building prior to being here 3 years, I would have never taken the position. My administrator is so hands off and feel like I really don't matter, whereas my previous principle was always checking in and making sure things were good, or if there was anything I needed. I've heard from him once during this time of distance learning, but I don't feel it was genuine.
Mora's referendum passed last night and I couldn't be more excited for them. It is so needed! I sent a text to the principle congratulating him on it passing. His response, "We miss you! Let me know when I can hire you back." I should have never left. And that is what brought me to tears. I should have never left a place I loved. I left for Kennedy to be closer to her dad, but I left the best job I have ever had. I left people who gave a damn about me. I left a group of friends who would do anything for you, except for moving. I feel so unfulfilled here and I don't know if that feeling is ever going to go away if I stay in this position. I don't know what options I have, but I know that if I stay in my current position, I will continue to be miserable. I have no voice in anything, and what I want really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. My passion is not in elementary and I don't know how to fake it anymore. It is completely exhausting.
My anxiety has been out of this world out of control. My house walls feels as though they are closing in. It also doesn't help that I spend my 34th birthday in the ER with a 6 day migraine that just wouldn't go away. Botox on Tuesday to hopefully put these headaches in hibernation for awhile. I've been running a lot lately which is good, but gives me a headache. My plan for this weekend is new shoes for running. I need a good pair. Crossing my fingers they are under $100 I deserve it right?!
Well, that is my rant for tonight. I'll see if I have any interesting pictures to post :) All sweaty pictures post runs. A 3.75 and a 4.5 mile run/walk
I was siting in my 5th Google Hangout Meeting today and just started crying. I knew why, I just didn't want to admit it. I have never felt so empty about something in my life since my divorce. I would cry like this and just hope the feeling would eventually go away. I would occupy myself with things to do around the house, or running errands or whatever; but it doesn't go away.
I have been really unhappy in my job this year. There are a lot of factors, but I figured I would get into the groove of things, and it would be fine. However, that feeling has not gone away. As stated in an earlier post this week, I was passed over for a position, well, I never even had a chance to interview for it, even though it was exactly what I wanted. Politics. When I accepted this position in Alexandria I knew what I was getting into as far as traveling to other schools. What I didn't know I was getting myself into was how there would be so little care about me as an individual and colleague. I had more birthday wishes come from my Mora family than from any here in Alexandria. A happy birthday went out during one of our meetings today, but no mention of missing my birthday. It isn't about wishing me a happy birthday, it is so much more. I am truly just a doormat to everyone. I have never ever felt so worthless in a position I was hesitant to take in the first place. If I had known that the option to move to a different building prior to being here 3 years, I would have never taken the position. My administrator is so hands off and feel like I really don't matter, whereas my previous principle was always checking in and making sure things were good, or if there was anything I needed. I've heard from him once during this time of distance learning, but I don't feel it was genuine.
Mora's referendum passed last night and I couldn't be more excited for them. It is so needed! I sent a text to the principle congratulating him on it passing. His response, "We miss you! Let me know when I can hire you back." I should have never left. And that is what brought me to tears. I should have never left a place I loved. I left for Kennedy to be closer to her dad, but I left the best job I have ever had. I left people who gave a damn about me. I left a group of friends who would do anything for you, except for moving. I feel so unfulfilled here and I don't know if that feeling is ever going to go away if I stay in this position. I don't know what options I have, but I know that if I stay in my current position, I will continue to be miserable. I have no voice in anything, and what I want really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. My passion is not in elementary and I don't know how to fake it anymore. It is completely exhausting.
My anxiety has been out of this world out of control. My house walls feels as though they are closing in. It also doesn't help that I spend my 34th birthday in the ER with a 6 day migraine that just wouldn't go away. Botox on Tuesday to hopefully put these headaches in hibernation for awhile. I've been running a lot lately which is good, but gives me a headache. My plan for this weekend is new shoes for running. I need a good pair. Crossing my fingers they are under $100 I deserve it right?!Well, that is my rant for tonight. I'll see if I have any interesting pictures to post :) All sweaty pictures post runs. A 3.75 and a 4.5 mile run/walk
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