Lasting Impressions

In the busyness of life, I always seem to forget something. Whether it is something at the grocery store or forgetting to get toilet paper at Target when I have already been there three times in one day, it's always a struggle! Like my dad would always say, "I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body." With that in mind, let's recap this past semester of death and how it all turned out. Even though I literally thought I was going to die from all the stress and thinking, what was I thinking for taking 25 credits, it didn't turn out so bad. My spring 2017 semester is as follows: 10 classes, 25 credits, 7 A's and 3 B's....3.75 cum GPA. I guess I can't really complain about it. I traveled another 12,000 or so miles 4 days a week, and I've already started summer school, with another 3 classes equaling 9 credits. At least this only lasts 6 weeks and then I have the rest of my summer to relax and enjoy summer! It was another busy weeken...

Where do I even begin? I started this year off wanting to not live in the past and only live in the moment, do things for myself, and truly make this year about me and what I want. I've come to the point though where I feel I need to really break down some walls and talk about trust. I've been divorced for two years in July. I have yet to have a "real" relationship since that time. I tend to keep people at an arms length, likely because of my lack of faith and trust in people in general. I had a heart to heart with a dear friend of mine last week where I broke down into tears. You see, she and I have been friends since my divorce and she has been there for me through pretty much everything. She said I had been "off" lately and I wanted to know what she meant by that. She said she couldn't say what it was exactly, but I just didn't seem like myself. I always have a lot going on in my head, and this past month hasn't been any different. I came ...

Today is a very special day to all Mama's out there. Whether you're a fur baby mama, or a mama who has felt loss, you are just as important in this day dedicated to mother's. Mother's come in all different forms. They aren't always biological because that doesn't automatically make you a mother. A mom is selfless, caring, supportive, worrier, cheerleader, enforcer, loving, and so many more adjectives. But not a single word that describes what being a mom is says it's genetic. Mom's wear all sorts of hats and walk down different paths. For me, today marks the 4th year I've been able to celebrate being a mom to my Miss K. Although she isn't old enough to really understand what today is all about, she was able to spend it with my mom! This is a shout-out to all the Mama's out there who had to work to help serve others so they could enjoy his day with their families and mother's. I am one of those mom's who worked today to help make mot...

It's been one hell of a semester to say the least. I can't believe I actually have made it to the end. Countless hours of driving, one small car accident, and 10 classes, I am nearing the end of spring semester 2017. I can't say that I'm completely stress-free at the moment, but I'm hoping I will have a feeling of accomplishment on Tuesday May 9th when everything is said and done. It's been a crazy semester and we've all felt the stress, but the rest of my hpe people know exactly what I'm talking about. We keep encouraging one another that it will all be over soon and we can finally enjoy some time off from school. With the weather "starting" to get warmer that means one thing ... wedding season! It also means it's birthday time. I can't say that I am thrilled to be turning another year older but I know that this year is going to be a great year. This year is all about me and accomplishing my goals and being the strongest person I'...

Valentine's Day is my least favorite "holiday." And I say "holiday" because it really isn't a holiday at all. It was invented as a commercial holiday to sell more cards, over-priced chocolate, and unforeseeable prices on flowers. Up until this year I had never gotten actual roses on Valentine's Day. And no, they did not come from a man. My amazing dad, along with my precious Miss K, got me a dozen roses as a surprise when I got home from school. We had to celebrate a day early because of my school schedule, but the flowers were definitely a surprise. I made Miss K's valentine's as I always do for preschool and daycare. I'm trying to be a Pinterest mom when I can, and I'm very proud of these. Not a ton of work, but it just took some planning. With all the pressure to "have it all together," and I totally don't, I attempt to make up for it with these simple, yet time consuming valentine. My Non-Traditional Vale...

I'm off and running with another semester. Four days of driving back and forth for a total of 200 miles a day, 800 miles and week, and an oil change every 6 weeks. I sometimes think I'm crazy for doing all this, but I have this overwhelming feeling of accomplishment. I have never felt this exhilarated in anything I've done before. I have confidence, independence, and finally some self-worth. I have to give a huge shout-out to my adviser. We met on the first day of class this semester and we figured out how I could add a few more classes to my schedule this semester and would be able to graduate a semester early. Now, there is a downside to all of this excitement. I'm taking 25 credits, which equates to 10 classes - 9 on campus and 1 online. There are many days that I think I'm crazy for doing this, but I keep reminding myself that it will be all worth it in the end! On another note, I am back to writing for Chicz magazine and had a short article published in ...

The girlfriends guide to dating after divorce....is there such a book out there?!? Seriously! I'm no expert in dating or relationships because if I was I wouldn't be a divorced single mom dating at 30. If you thought dating was hard in high school, college and even after college, dating after getting divorced is about 100 x's harder. For one, guys don't even know what dating is. Have you heard the term "Netflix and chill?" that's the extent of dating these days. I've realized that dating at my age is a process. It's almost worst now than ever. What do you say? What's your past like? Divorced? Kids? Why did you get divorced? In a time where you swipe right or left in hopes of making a match, you believe what you see on paper. So you actually go on a date, you're having a good time. He calls. He texts. Things are going great. You're three dates in and you think you're heading in the right direction. You think, I'm an adult, I...

* Disclosure....this will be a long blog post* Holy moly! I seriously haven't blogged since August? Where the heck has time gone. I think I do a lot of "blogging" in my head when I'm driving 200 miles a day. Being in the car gives me a lot of time to think. Think about life, think about, "oh yeah, that would be a great idea for a blog post." Then I start constructing sentences, but never actually put them anywhere. So, I guess why that's where we are now....almost three months from my last post. Opps. So I apologize in advance for those loyal readers out there who have been wondering where I've gone. I haven't gone anywhere or disappeared, I just literally, haven't had time to sit and type out anything. But I'll give you a quick recap and then get to my point for the post. School : School has taken over my life. Four days a week, 100 miles in the AM and 100 miles home. About October, I finally got in the groove of things and waking up...

The acronym BFF gets thrown around just about as much as the words, I LOVE YOU. But honestly, true best friends are the ones that you can get together with and it's almost as if no time has past at all. I have these truly special girl friends that are really my true best friends. The three of us have been friends ever since I moved to Alexandria when I was in first grade. Let's just say it was a rough adjustment, but they welcomed me with open arms. I was a little apprehensive about the fact of joining a new group of friends, but it's been over twenty years and we are all still here in Alexandria and we make every effort to continue to have our girls nights. All the ladies were in my wedding and continue to be huge supporters of me and my efforts to continue on being a strong woman, and mom. These special ladies are not only what I call true best friends, but sisters; because family will always be there for you no matter what happens in life, and these girls are the defin...

Once again, I'm neglecting you who read this blog. But seriously, life is kinda crazy right now. I'm working almost 6 or 7 days a week and trying to keep my head above water. So, within the last few weeks here is what's been going on.... School - I finished all of my classes for the summer. I've had about a two week break so far with absolutely no homework and it feels amazing, although I don't know how I did it when I was doing 4 classes at one time. Oh yeah, I barely slept :) I finished out the summer semester with 4 A's and 1 B - I'm pretty pumped about that. 3.8 GPA to get things started, I'm definitely proud of all the hard work I put in. Goals: I started a new journey June 14th and decided this wasn't just a goal, but something I've been trying to do for over a year - get my body back. I committed to Profiles and I couldn't be happier. Down 17 pounds with many more to go, but seeing the results is exhilarating. It means that if you ...

Wilson Phillips said it best in their 1990's song, "Hold On," which topped the charts right after the ladies graduated high school. No, this is not just random information I have stored in my brain, I actually learned this from tonight's ABC Greatest Hits. It's been a stressful few weeks with past feelings and anxiety skyrocketing. Trying to manage a full-time job, single mom, and an educational psychology online class I'm getting burnt out. Although these three priorities are going to continue to cause me stress I just wish this wasn't my new normal. I really miss having a partner to rely on. I miss having help when I've had a ridiculous day at work. Don't get me wrong, my family has been more than supportive this past year and I definitely couldn't do any or all of this without them. But having your parents for support is different having a true partner, and that's exactly what I'm looking for. I need someone who gets it. Who gets ...

It must be nice not having to deal with any consequences from your actions. It must be nice making rules but you don't have to follow them. It must be nice not having to change your entire life because of a mistake you didn't make. It must be nice having a replacement even though you don't deserve it. It must be nice being able to continue your career and lifestyle. Because I'm the king of everything. ******************************************* I've realized, well a long time ago,  that life is not fair. I truly don't understand why the undeserving continue to always get what they want. Shouldn't there be some sort of universal karma that blasts them in the face for all their wrong doings? I still don't get it or understand it all. How does the person in the wrong get to have it all. Their decision which caused to uproot my entire life and plan for the future has no consequences.  I seem to be the one taking the brunt of everything while he gets...

I've been silent for quite some time from this blog. At times I don't always know what to say and don't always want to have negative things going on to write about. However, at the same time I am so tired of having to be fake and being "OK" all the time. I'm not perfect, and I'm doing better. Some days are better than others and some days are even great. I'm so happy at where I am at these days and I am feeling so accomplished for so many things. At the same time, there are days where I feel like I'm thrown back and have to face everything head on all over again. I'm learning that my former extended family doesn't belong to me any more, especially now that there is another girl in A's life. I need to allow for her and A and his family to start their own memories and start developing whatever relationship is going to happen. I absolutely adore them and will always care about them. Seeing pictures of the lake, and the pontoon makes me m...

He is risen. He is risen indeed. This Easter will be a bit different than the past 5. Miss K is with A and his family and my family is in Key West with my brother and his wife. So here I am, and I'll be working for those who choose to eat out with their family at Doolittles. I'm saddened by the fact I'm alone and still lost in all of this.  There are good days and bad days and there are few people I can turn too. But this season is about renewing your faith and I'm going to try and do my best to accomplish that. It's true.... I am strong and I can overcome anything,  but it takes time.  The person who I know that will always be by my side is God. Happy Easter everyone.  Enjoy the chocolate bunnies and Cadbury eggs! 💜

I have felt the need to post lately but have feared putting down words out for the world to see. So for today this is it - There are no words to explain how I feel today. I'm not a seeker for empathy or sympathy which is why I hate posting status updates on Facebook but I have to put it somewhere. "Mama said there'd be days like this, days like this mama said." But I'm not ready for days like this. But this is my life moving forward. Like I said, there are no words to explain how I feel today.

I wonder what my life would be like if I'd never met him. I wonder if my thoughts about myself and the world would have changed if.i had only been stronger. I wonder why life turned out this way. Why was I the one with the cheating backstabbing husband. I want to move on and find a way to see the good. But putting on the face every morning is becoming exhausting. Stop living in the past I was told. If you do then you won't be happy. However until the pain and betrayals gone I fear this is my life. Looking at him makes me ill.  Hearing his voice curdels my stomach and knowing I created a second human with him only makes it worse. He met someone - someone who he thinks it's going to be serious with. Good for him. Maybe I'm upset that we hadn't resolved all our issues and now it's about him and becoming a better person for himself and K, and the new girl. He said, we obviously weren't meant to be together then why did you ask me to marry you. People say, t...

And I'll keep wonderin' wonderin' and wonderin' - when will my life begin? She loves her mama's lemonade And hates the sound that goodbyes make She prays one day she'll find someone to need her   She swears that there's no difference Between the lies and compliments It's all the same if everybody leaves her   And every magazine tells her she's not good enough The pictures that she sees make her cry   She would change everything, everything, just ask her Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster She just needs someone to take her home   She's given boys what they want And tries to act nonchalant Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction   She never stays the same for long Assuming that she'll get it wrong Perfect only in her imperfection   She's not a drama queen She doesn't want to feel this way Only seventeen, but tired   She would change everything, everything, just ask her Caught i...

Who doesn't love a romantic comedy with a happy ending? Or How to lose a guy in 10 days where at the end of the movie they realize their love for one another and ride across the bridge back into the city - happily ever after. Except when you turn the channel to the Lifetime network movies are a bit different. Accused teenagers of murder,  cheating husbands, and weird neighbors with dark secrets. The things in common with these movies is that Hollywood hopes to engage their audience and attempt to connect characters with their audience. They want to have their audience see themselves in the characters in these films. Maybe not all the Lifetime movies. But the things they leave out is that real life goes on after the 120 minutes of entertainment. Whether you related to the characters or storyline or not, life goes on. Real life. Real hurt. Real pain. Pain that can't be solved in 90 minutes. Pain that lives on deep within your body and you try to move on but the pain is still th...

It's been awhile since my last post but life has seen to be keeping me busy. The holidays were fine as usual and I was able to celebrate with a few friends. I still can't remember to write 2016 on my checks. I'm getting into the groove of teaching 3 classes a week at Vital Fit Club, which Racquetball Plus. My life has literally come in full circle. Because of how everything ended in my last communications position I've decided to look at new career options.  My self-esteem is so low on being able to complete anything correctly I just need to find my new niche. Every year in January I always ask myself why I live here in Minnesota, where winter is half the year!?! Oh well. Someday I will live in a warm state. If I try some spiralizing I will post pictures. Hope everyone has a great week and take a few minutes each day to reflect, center your body, and take a few relaxing breaths. 🎎

It was two years ago we laid to rest a lineman who had such love for life!  He was also a close friend to A. The following lyrics were played during his funeral. You are missed each day by someone Ryan. "Be Still" by The Fray Be still and know that I'm with you Be still and know that I am here Be still and know that I'm with you Be still, be still, and know When darkness comes upon you And covers you with fear and shame Be still and know that I'm with you And I will say your name If terror falls upon your bed And sleep no longer comes Remember all the words I said Be still, be still, and know And when you go through the valley And the shadow comes down from the hill If morning never comes to be Be still, be still, be still If you forget the way to go And lose where you came from If no one is standing beside you Be still and know I am Be still and know that I'm with you Be still and know I am